My mother was a wonderful woman. My chosen memories are of feeling loved and cherished. Comforted. Of skinned knees lovingly bandaged (with 5-year old me pissed off because she’d say she was sorry. “You didn’t do it!”)
I don’t remember her ever hitting me, but the threat of “a lickin'” was always in the air.
Her laugh. An occasional whiskey sour. Her laugh, her laugh, her beauty queen smile.
My poor mother was surrounded by addicts. Her father; two husbands; both first born. But she died holding dear to her quiet faith in Jehovah.
Sorry for the blaspheme Mom, and all due respect to the Son of Man, but when I need spiritual guidance, WWMD always works for me.
Jonathan was a friend I met while at Lowell House Men’s Recovery Home. When he got there his kids were with strangers, he didn’t even have visitation privileges. Their mother wasn’t in the picture. Over the course of several months Jonathan went through a lot of work to get visitation, custody, employment, and housing for him and his kids. I saw him, his son, and his daughter April 23, 2019 at a dinner at the Recovery Home for graduates. Everything was going well. He overdosed and died about a week later.
Thanks for taking us
to that dinner, Dad
Back where you used to
live
We played on the floor
with your friend
And that stupid Dexter
cat
That used to make you
sneeze
Sneaked looks at the
weird White guys
That think they’re
cool, cuz they wear ‘our’ clothes, right Dad?
You joked about doing
dishes, sneaking food, and smoking where you weren’t ‘sposed to
A lady let me make
PBJs, and we served them like fancy desserts, on a tray
And played a game with
a pretty bald lady, who smiled like she liked us
They talked to you different Dad, like proud, we were too.
What did we do Dad?
Were the PBJs no good?
Did we color outside
the lines?
I thought we said
thank you and please
I’da picked up my
clothes faster Dad
Or not fell behind at
the mall
Sometimes I stopped
just to watch you walk
Your head up finally,
for once
We woulda done better
Dad.
But you left us again.
It woulda been better,
Dad, if you never came back at all
GYST4Life is where I will be documenting my personal journey of getting MY sh!t together, sharing both the personal details and information that will help others on their own journeys. Check out The GYST Manifesto for details.
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